2016 started with so much promise. The promise that our lives were going to change forever. And change forever it did.
Today, the 4th of August 2016, was meant to be my due date. Instead of celebrating new life, we grieved for the baby girl we never got to know. Instead, we closed on a new home today. As if the year hasn’t been eventful enough, we’re going to throw buying and moving into a new home into the mix. Because I just loooooooove packing and unpacking. (NOT!)
We are incredibly lucky to have great family and friends in Michigan and around the world, and so many of them came through for us when we needed it the most. Thank you; you know who you are. Thank you for the support, the company, the laughter, the hugs, the tears, the weetbix, lollies, magazines, meals, phone calls, text messages, tv shows, everything!
I thought long and hard about sharing this. I am not looking for condolences and sympathy. What ultimately spurred me to share is that I was once upon a time fairly ignorant of how high the chances are that a woman does not carry a pregnancy to term. I felt shame, like I had failed somehow in this very important task of being a woman and a wife (and wannabe mum). Since my own experience, I’ve learnt that it may be more common than we realise, but we don’t hear about it because really, who wants to go around sharing that traumatic experience with everyone? But if I can make one person feel comforted to know that she is not alone (as my friends have done for me), then I think I’ve made the right decision. It doesn’t mean that it sucks any less; believe you me, I would give anything to have my baby girl, and I’d hope that no one ever has to experience what we went through. But I want you, whoever ‘you’ may be, to know that I am here should you ever need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on.
I know we are lucky in many ways. I’m trying to look to the future and what that might hold. Hopefully lots of great times and happy memories. But in the back of my mind, she’ll always be there. Always.